Monthly Word

HEART & SOUL PART 1

Let me begin by saying that I am NOT a victim by any means. Care to ask why, given my life story? One word, One Person, The One and Only Jesus! He is why I am a victor! Please allow me to shed some light and hit you with ugly truths I had to face and understand. It has been quite a journey, an incredible journey because without Jesus, I seriously don’t know where I would be or who I would be.

I would like to reveal some things about myself that I have never expressed before. In releasing the bondage that once held me prisoner for nearly my entire life, it is my sincere desire to motivate
and encourage anyone who has gone through tough times and may continue to face many changes and challenges to discover who God intended you to be, someone who wears the crown of Jesus’ divine favor.

While I may not know you, I would still like the opportunity to speak to you because God has put me on this earth to shine through all of the cloudy days, despite what and why others in my life tried to place storms and obstacles at every turn. Thankfully, through every cloud and every sorrow, Jesus was there and getting me through them all. Anything intended for my harm, God turned it to my advantage and taught me the lessons in this life he wanted me to learn, and showed me how to change the brutal ugliness into beauty.

Jesus has compelled me to speak about one of those clouds to any who wishes to receive this
message about being an only child, like me.  Some may think…only child, what a lucky break! However, they probably view it this way because they most likely never experienced the loneliness and having no one to talk to about issues that faced them. As an only child, I was forced to learn that I could not depend on anybody because I found myself always facing life’s challenges alone during my childhood and my growing up years.  It was exceptionally difficult when I “got in the way” of other "so-called" family members who saw me as being “in the way and a distraction”, eager to point out what they told me were my “short-comings”, when all I ever tried to do was to be myself and thinking certainly so-called family would love and accept me for who I was.

I remember that when I truly needed their help in navigating life as a young man, I was treated as a second class citizen, way behind all of them, never given the opportunity to feel a part of or a sense of being an equal. I was made to accept that I was beneath them in order to be a little part of their family, or I could get lost. However, Jesus always spoke to my heart and told me I was not to be second to anyone or be second in anything. He always kept hope alive within my heart. That’s not to say that because I wanted to badly to be accepted, I actually attempted to “buy” love, which became a very bad habit because my “family” used it as a weakness toward me. After Jesus brought me out of that darkness, he sent me on a new and different course and I began a new journey, but this time, I knew Jesus was with me every step.  He never left me alone in my heart, soul and spirit. Rather, Heloved and nurtured every part of me that was underdeveloped because of the mean-spirited “family” that did their best to destroy me. Jesus told me it was time to move on. With the Spirit of Jesus in my heart and soul, He showed me how to be a leader and to never follow any man. Jesus made me understand there was something greater inside of me, a good leader, son, father, husband, cousin, teacher and coach.  I am all of these things and much, much more.  I am not arrogant, I am just wearing my crown of favor these days, which allows me to be confident and secure in every area of my life!  For any "haters" out there, know the Truth from Jesus Christ and He will also break those chains that bind you and change you forever more...the purest and deepest love ever!  Try Jesus, my brothers and sisters!

I now realize there is something missing…it’s hard to pinpoint it…but it’s NOTHING I care to realize, nor understand because of all the hurt and pain it brings to me. However, moving forward, I am still standing TALL! I am standing on God’s word! I still have many open wounds that need healing. I want to put that part of my life so far in the past, I will leave peace and understanding to that young boy for whom I have cried many tears for and many times I wanted to go back and love him so he could find rest and peace. The time has come for that little boy, that little lonely child with no direction or purpose to have peace, to allow him rest and to close all the doors of pain, and not allow the people who let him down in the past to be happy at his expense because I now know that God was always with him. I want to tell him that I am not that fragile little person seeking everyone’s love and approval anymore because God delivered me!

I am writing this to help someone like me, an only child with no real back ground or family roots, and looking to be whole for once and for always starting now.  I am now so alright and in a great place in my life. This part of my life is not a sad story because of Jesus’ mighty love. This is my “victory lap”! You may encounter in your life’s journey some of the hardships I referenced. Know with confidence you can come out on top, you can win!  Remember, just as Jesus was always there for me, He will also be there for you no matter what anyone may try to do against you for waht ever reason as it is beyond my comprehension as to why some folks hurt others on purpose.  Rather than giving anymore energy toward that which would bring you sadness and the feeling of being unworthy, BELIEVE!  Believe with all of your heart and soul that God has you in His mighty grip and He will NEVER forsake you, rather He will be your best friend when everyone else has turned their backs you.  Consider that a favor becuase God does not want that negativity in your mind or heart.  Allow me to testify to you-all that God is Great and Jesus is Love ALL OF THE TIME!

Heart and Soul, Part I